Hadn’t she been the strong one? Only crying at night when she thought I was asleep. I was not allowed to comfort her in these times, it was a private grief, but I wanted to hold her, cling to her and share the burden of emotion. I knew though, as she did, I would just unload my sorrow and guilt, heaping it on her too thin shoulders. I only had to think back to the moment the doctor told us in a small cubicle sized private office, that James would not see his next birthday. I remember doing the mathematics and screaming in anguish, ‘That’s only six months away!’ I remember how I howled, I remember how I broke down and I remember my wicked thoughts when I looked at Sushi who had sat there in rigid shock, with no outward emotion for either her son’s impending death, or the evident grief of her husband. I remember thinking that it was supposed to be her who fell apart and me who should be the one to remain staid and comforting. I remember the feelings of role reversal and the realisation. The guy directly ahead past the hand is closer to my own height, also rather thin. Definitely not a drug addict, he has a swimmer body if said swimmer didn’t swim much. I mean put glasses on him, shorten the hair, and he is a geek. The third guy fiddling with the drum set has short hair. He is not a geek though, can tell because he is wearing glasses, also has a big nose, though he looks more like a cowboy if he had boots and the hat. ‘Why is your hair pink?’ This from the tall guy, he has one of those voices that is slightly nasal and yet it’s a nice nasal. ‘Mishap with hair dye. I wanted to be a redhead and ended up pink. I got used to it so keep doing it.’ ‘A chick bassist, I don’t like it.’ This from the geek so I glare at him. ‘Doesn’t matter what I have or don’t have hanging between my legs, I can play and you want a bassist. Here I am so do you want me to play or leave you to try and get something good out of what is out there?’ I get stared at for a few seconds so shrug and.
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